Why I Have A Problem With “The Car”

Many ask me what is my problem with The Car? Well, where do I start… Most dogs seem keen to leap into any old car as long as their Humans are going and there is a whiff of the open road through a window. Not me, this is the Outside World we are talking about, a highly unpredictable and an extremely dodgy place.

I think most dogs are a bit dim and here’s why:  It’s not The Car that’s the problem, it’s a nice and comfy place especially if I get to sit with my Humans. The thing is the Outside World can do you or your Humans in, usually in some ghastly and fiendish way, don’t those dogs realise this? Analysing the ever changing issues of being in the outside world trying to predict the next major crisis such as will there be any greenery at the next stop for you know… or how to keep the Humans together and out of trouble is tiring work. I just don’t need the hassle of it all. So what do I do to survive this hell you ask?

The Car-0.1 I try to catch a few  zzz’s of course!

Here is my Top Five list of reasons not to get in The Car:

Number One. Motorcycles

Motorcycles, the most deadly thing known to man or dog, get them off the road I say. They zoom right past the car window with that dreadful racket they make, peering  in at you with that sinister helmet thingy on their heads. I just have to bark back to warn em off,  even if my Humans yell at me for my well placed comment on the demented thing.

 

Number Two. The Withering Look 

There you are in The Car, parking up somewhere and I can see out my windows we are 1mm  on the white line, next thing you know the Human parked next to you gets out and give my Humans the “Withering Look”. I make a well directed  bark and this time my Humans do seem to encourage me. I mean what is the problem eh? I know  Humans in this part of the world, particularly older Humans have mastered this Withering Look but really, for parking? If you are not careful it will strike you blind I’m certain of that.

The Car-2 I was wondering if there is an equivalent with Hunds. And yes it does happen! You go on a nice walk with your Humans, a passing  Hund and Human wanders by and as I have me ball (as you do) and the Hund does not (not allowed) I get a Withering Look as if I should give up my ball, come on mate it aint going to happen…

 

Number Three. Pit Stops (or lack thereof)

The Car-3 This is a biggie, when you get into The Car you just have absolutely no idea how long you are going to be in the thing. Once we drove 15 hours, admittedly with a few brief pit stops but come on guys… And when we do stop, I NEED greenery to do my thing (the odd tree helps), not concrete… And will you stop looking at me please, please…

 

Number Four. Curley’s Music

That strange beat music Curley-Human listens to, it drives me crazy, especially through the tinny headphones, what about a bit of “Who let the dogs out, woof woof “, “Give the dog a bone – AC/DC”  or “Walking The Dog – Timbuk3” eh?

 

Number Five. Back Seat Drivers (and I really do mean literally in the back of The Car)

The Car-5 If you are riding in the back of The Car like me then there is almost always the nose cone of an Audi or BMW  a few millimetres from your head. You can see the whites of the drivers eyes as the Human tries to will you out of the way. Grumpy-Human just says “what’s behind me is not important” but he’s not sitting in the back with a obsessed manic trying to mow him down …

R

Link to my blog home here

No Worries

I have been a bit out of sorts the last few days as my family have been behaving badly. I hate it when they all disappear doing their own thing and I’m left more or less abandoned and neglected, I know, I know I can hear the violins too…

Boss-Human and her mates have been visiting some old flower garden in the Netherlands (apparently famous but I have never heard of it) and stayed overnight. One Human down, Grumpy-Human goes off to work for the day, tries to get me to go to but I aint getting in The Car. Two Humans down, Princess and Curly Humans normally go off to someplace called school but the way they grizzle and groan about the place I reckon it’s some evil punishment camp. Four Humans down then.

Worry15-2So there I am all alone pining for my absent Humans who have bloody ditched me, waddayado? Well I do get to use the basement games room with a stash of treats and I sneak onto the comfy sofa that I’m not allowed on. Hey, what they don’t know can’t hurt em eh and besides I’m abandoned right? I do wonder sometimes what the funny oval box with a round hole and flashing red light is though….

Now I do wish I could figure out the TV remote as I’m sure that Dog Whisper fellow is on. He is great although I think the dogs are a setup. I mean what self-respecting dog is going to chase busses eh? Madness.

Anyway, I’m in the basement catching a few zzz’s on the sofa as you do, feeling a little put out that nobodies loves me anymore when I hear a noise… Ooh oh, a burglar? A big meces? That delivery guy I like to torment? What… The door bursts open and it’s Princess-Human. She has been home all along, apparently off sick from school. All my fretting and worry was for nothing then although I am still three Humans down, I have not lost count you know!

R

Ralph’s blog home is here

Bubbles

The weather is fantastic, looks like summer is arriving. Time to think about those warmer weather pursuits. One of my personal favourites in bubble chasing. All you dogs out there need to try this. It’s just the most fun you can have with roundie things, even better  than regular ball catching as you get hundreds of balls all at once goofing off in all directions in the wind.

I find its particularly good if small human puppies (they call them children) blow the bubbles, it keeps em out of trouble like pulling your ears, fur and legs and the like… They soon get to like and respect you and we all get to have fun.

Get your humans to buy a human puppy bubble blowing kit usually comes with a bottle of child (and dog) friendly soapy liquid and a top with a small loop attached.  Here are a few pictures of me catching said bubbles to give you the idea. Enjoy!

Me enjoying bubbles at home…

bubs-01 bubs-02 bubs-03 bubs-04 bubs-05 bubs-06 bubs-08 bubs-09 bubs-10

Me last summer on holiday in Croatia chasing bubbles …

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R

Ralph’s blog home is here

Lunch In France

Metz15-01 Oh ohh… The lead is on and I hear talk of a drive somewhere… Should have made myself scarce.

Metz15-02

Metz15-03 We have been on the road for over an hour now. Hey, we must be going to Paris for lunch!!!

Metz15-04 No, not Paris, Metz in France’s Lorraine region. Quiche Lorraine for lunch then!

Metz15-05 This is embarrassing. I know my Humans are Aussies and Kiwis but really… Am I a dingo or something?

Metz15-06  Not much into old churches but this one was pretty big and impressive even I have to say… Saint-Etienne de Metz cathedral apparently.

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Metz15-09  Metz15-10 I’m left outside as usual. Dogs are not allowed, what do they think I’m going to do in there anyway?

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Had a quick squizz inside before being shooed out by some grumpy Frenchman. Pretty cool windows that’s for sure.

Metz15-12

Metz15-13  On our way back to the car now, a couple of hours and I’ll be home. Himmm… better prepare myself for the long drive then and what could be better than a fire hydrant eh…?

Metz15-14  Home sweet home at last but I have to say, lunch in France was way cool.

The Vet – An Update

Scored a yummy dog bone with loads of meat and burial potential from the butcher! It was so good I scoffed the meat off the bone in a couple of minutes then,  much to the horror of my Humans, with a flourish I up ended the  remains of the bone and swallowed it whole! Shame about the burial potential but it was just too yummy to keep.

Next thing I know Boss-Human is looking really worried about the lack of said bone available for burial… The Vet gets a mention… I start getting a tad nervous… what is the problem with scoffing a bone? I hear Boss-Human discussing a possible trip to The Vet and emergency extraction! I’m horrified at this idea myself.

Anyway it seems The Vet has calmed down Boss-Human and proposes they “keep an eye on me”. Well to be honest I have never felt better. A full stomach, lovely pork bone well and truly scoffed with pleasure. Now I have 3 Humans staring at me like I’m some kind of freak… The Human world is indeed very strange sometimes.

R

The Vet

TheVet-1 Did I ever mention The Vet? I was dragged in for my rabies inoculation recently, it’s yet  another good reason not to get into The Car, you just don’t know where you are going to end up. The Vet is to be avoided like the plague, or should I say rabies.

You go to The Vet and you see these nice healthy happy (unsuspecting) dogs going in and these tottering wrecks stumbling out. If they come out at all that is…. Nope, soon as we arrive at The Vet I dig my paws in. I make sure the Humans have to drag me in kicking and screaming.

The first thing that happens to you is The Vet puts you on this steel  pad which then displays some numbers about your weight, you’d think I was at a Weight Watchers meeting or something. But that’s just the start, the next thing you know The Vet has you lifted onto a table that’s jacked up to Human height. I look The Vet in the eye daring her to do her worst. Which she promptly does with a stab in the back with a hollow bit of steel, what’s that all about eh? Is it really necessary to be stabbed? It bloody hurts too. Then the humiliation really starts with The Vet poking and prodding you, stuffing her fingers down your throat and other places… It’s a nightmare.

The Humans  don’t seem to understand what goes on in there as they seem so laid-back about it all. Their Vets must be the like saints and the Vet House must be like some luxury holiday home. I want to go to the Humans Vets!! The Humans sit in the waiting room having nice little chats with the other Humans while we dogs are cruelly tortured. And the smell of the place, it’s the smell of death I tell you!

I hear the Humans discussing returning in a month’s time, I better make myself scarce that day, watch this space.

R

Easter

The Easter bunny came and the Humans all got Easter eggs and chocolates. I got another ball! Easter15-1 I’m not a great fan of the Easter bunny and I guess it’s mutual as the bloody bunny hung my ball out of reach just for laughs.

Easter15-2 Which reminds me, yesterday I was taken on a trip (reluctantly as usual) to the local dog treats shop (not so reluctantly once I knew we were going there) and guess what I think I know where the Easter bunny lives!

Easter15-3 Now that has to be the Easter bunny

Easter15-4 And check out the big meces!

R

My Birthday

Hey! I’m 3 today! In dog years that makes me 21 so where’s my big party eh? I’m guessing those pesky mongrels next door won’t come. Baxter across the road will be busy with his Humans doing crazy Easter stuff. Mutley the terrier is probably terrorising the horses and forest walkers so I guess it’s just me and my Humans…

bday2 I did get a few prezzies though and a “cake” with candles and everything.

Rope2 My favourite prezzy was a yellow ball. They always get me balls, I think the Humans think I’m obsessed with balls…

Rope1 As usual a near perfect ball is marred by the silly Humans attaching a bit of rope to it, so this is a good time to show you how to get rid of it in under 20 seconds.

R

Nearly Easter

Easter14

Well it’s almost that time of year the Humans call Easter. It’s still a bit chilly for my liking so I prefer indoor ball catching but I can already see the glimmer of green on the trees across the road. The Humans in this part of the world have a quaint custom of having Easter Ball trees. Haven’t figured out why they are not perfectly round like my ball.

I snatched one of them from the tree when the Humans were distracted, they are pretty useless as they are made of hard thin plastic. Who wants that in their mouths eh?

Easter14-2  Picture of Boss-Human trying to retrieve an Easter Ball from me. Good luck with that…