A Dog Goes Shopping

I was dragged out shopping today but its OK! We went to the Pet Shop. For some strange reason it was open on a Sunday. Normally in Germany all shops except food shops are closed. German pet shops have all sorts of neat treats. Here I will take you for a walk around my favorite shop:

 Pizza anyone? I love pizza.

 Can I have some of these?

 Now this dog tucker is what I normally get at home. Bloody dog biscuits, dry rubbish compared with what I see my Humans eat. I know they say the dog biscuits are from many countries like New Zealand and Ireland but still they taste crap!

 Happy Dog, my tail! Today they have some in from Canada, I’ll reserve judgement until I taste em but…

 I love these treats, kangaroo, they are like giant bouncy meces and oh so yummy

 And how about some doggy ice cream eh?

 Dental sticks, what, something wrong we me breath?

 They have live meces in here too. I guess they are bred for us dogs to eat so I don’t know why my Humans aren’t buying some for me!

 Dog Chips, great when watching the Dog Whisper on TV when my Humans are out…

 Oh my god, pigs noses. I want one, I really want one of those…

 That will do nicely.

 Back to that dental thing again. well I aren’t eating some old cows horn so I get a grin like his.

 I just gotta get me one of these!!

 Bulls penises, so they tell me. Well no thank you.

 Ah pigs ears, yep I’ll have a dozen.

 Can I have one? Its the checkout. Human checkouts have treats at little puppy humans levels and Dog checkouts have treats at us dogs level. Perfect I say.

 Finally home and I see my Humans picked me up a six pack of doggy beer from the pet shop.Fantastic, only problem is I may have to let a ball go to try it.

R

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Uncle Dog

Just a quick note to let those of you who are interested in Uncle Dog’s story that I thought it best to create a separate page for him. That way, this blog is for me and my story only.

Link to the Footrot Flats page.

Check out me here reading Uncle Dogs memoirs!

R

Link to my blog page

Limburg (Again). I go Karting and Learn All About Deadly Sins!

We are off again to who knows where this Saturday. I brace myself for what is to come…

 Oh… Its Limburg again. We came here a few months ago for Karting and a quick squizz around the town. Looks like more of the same to me. Why couldn’t I have just stayed all snug at home? I’m good at guarding the house and all.

 Well at least I am aloud inside the Karting place this time, this could be fun after all. They even let me bring me ball in, how thoughtful of my Humans.

 Can I have a go, please, please?

 Ok, the controls look easy even for me paws. How hard can it be eh?

 Oh O… Not sure this was such a good idea. This looks a tad unsafe Humans…

 Me zipping by, fully under control, out in the lead, no one can touch Ralph Schumacher-Walker eh! Ok, Ok, it was Princess-human really but she was way better at it than I would be, I have to admit!

 Princess-Human came first but I came second! Really…

 Ahh this is better, that kart noise was starting to get on my nerves. This is the river Lahn meandering through Limburg.

 The Lahn River with that old Cathedral Dom I saw last time I was here. It looks way cooler from here though, I have to say.

   This was very cool, the carved heads on this building in Limburg represent the Humans “Seven deadly Sins”. Us dogs are all saints so they don’t apply to us of course!

So close! Pigeons, I hate pigeons… They are meces with wings you know. Ok lets add at least one deadly sin to the Dog sins list, Wrath eh?

 Man oh man, that’s serious beer drinking in Limburg. I’m really warming to this place and so are my Humans. Just one thing, why does the man have to stand on his dogs back? Just saying…

You just have to be impressed by the old buildings in the town centre dating back to the 13^th century so I’m told. In dog years that just hurts my brain.

 This is my fav building in Limburg. Hard to see what is happening eh? Check out my next pickie…

 Humans being eaten by dragons!!!! Heh heh, I sometimes wish I could do the same when they don’t let me have Black Forest cake in the Black Forest… Nope I have not forgotten guys…

Guys, guys, GUYS!!! Look up its pretty terrifying…

 Is that one of you Humans deadly sins then? Crikey I’m glad I’m a dog…

 Home bound now in The Car, nope don’t need water, just need to think about the Humans world and take it all in. One thing I can say, Limburg has really grown on me, I hope my Humans bring me back here again for further adventures.

R

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My Favourite Balls

There is yet another rail strike in Germany beginning today. This one, so my Humans tell me, is to go on indefinitely, crikey that sounds like a long time then. Great, that means lots of grumpy Humans not just Grumpy-Human. Even Princess and Curley-Human will be grumpy because they have to get up early to go to school by The Car!

My solution? Cheer em all up. What better way than to tell them and the world about me balls eh?

Continuing the story on my ball obsession hobby…

Pristine tennis balls

 Nope you can’t have it. I’m not done ghizzying it up yet

My favourite ghizzy tennis ball

 What? Never seen a dog poke his tongue out with a ball in his mouth? Is there a train coming? Nah, they are on strike, they are always on strike in Germany!

Frisbees, while not strictly balls are loads of fun

 Who ate the inside of me Frisbee eh? Oh wait, that would be me!

Partially eaten balls

 These are brilliant with their texture and all and great to tease your Humans with. The best thing is to keep chewing it down in size to see just how small a fragment you can get your Humans to throw for you! They are crazy, I once carried around a fragment of a ball smaller than my toe, they still threw it for me, go figure…

What do you do with a favourite ball?

 Keep a bloody close eye on it because at any moment it can leap up and run off in some random direction. Oh wait, that would be a sheep! Well balls do this in my dreams you know… Anyway if you stare at the ball long enough your Humans will feel sorry for you and throw it.

So there you are, just some pickies of some of my favourite balls. See my blog a few months ago where I showed you some more of my private ball collection.

R

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Me In My Youth

It’s been a bit slow here lately, most of my Humans ditched me again and  went off on an adventure to Berlin. I can’t believe they would leave me behind but secretly I was rather pleased, five hours in The Car, no thank you. Princess-Human stayed behind so I had good company with lots of walks and swimming. When my other Humans returned I did the old ignore them trick when they wanted to pat me just to teach em a lesson, heh heh…

Since I don’t have much recent news to tell you about I thought I’d take you back to the days of my long lost puppy-hood, me being all mature and grown up and all now.

Me as a puppy with Sis when I was a couple of months old. I’m the handsome one on the left.

 Pick Sis, pick Sis. I’m comfy here and don’t want to leave for the big world outside!

 Me 3 months old. Boy my gangly back legs sure looked cool back then, guess I grew into them finally.

3 months old, I was a cool dude eh?

 Now where’s me ball?

Meeting a mate at the beach at 5 months old

 Now that’s mine I do believe…

My first Christmas at 7 months old

 OK, who put the stupid hat on me…

After a  romp in the woods on a snowy winter day

 Did I hear someone mention bath? I’m outta here!

10 months old

 Wasn’t me honest! Anyway you shouldn’t have left me home alone!

 Ahhh those heady ole days of my puppy-hood  eh, now that I’m an old guy of three with all the responsibilities of looking after my Humans, my house and being The Cop I don’t have the time for the frivolities  of youth any more. Life’s a serious business you know. Must be off, I hear someone approaching The Border.

R

Ralph, King Of The Meces!

I got one, I got one, I got one!!! Finally after (dog) years of trying I’m the King Of meces hunting now.

  I was in the Forest today with my Humans and spotted one of the little devils in the grass undergrowth.

Bonked it on the head with my ball in my mouth as you do and whooohey… one meces presented to my Humans… I told them I could catch one and they wouldn’t believe me. Sadly, the meces was just stunned and staggered off drunkenly… My Humans wouldn’t let me eat him, unfair!

R

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Border Patrol aka Border Collie Patrol

Now it has come to my attention that our house is pretty much unprotected, I do my best to keep out the riff-raff but I think the job needs to be more formal so my Humans take it more seriously. We have our own Border and that requires a Border Collie eh? OK an Immigration / Customs & Excise officer if I’m not mistaken.

  I have seen these guys many times at border crossing during my travels. In general I usually bark fiercely at them as they all look a bit dodgy to me and my Humans always seem a tad nervous around them too.

But I now see the necessity of these guys in light of our unprotected home. We need one urgently and that would be me then I recon. Hence forth to be known as The Border Collie Patrol Officer, Collies On Patrol directorate and simply referred to as The Cop, the  duties are hereby laid out along with the responsibilities of any person granted entry by The Cop:

• Any person wishing to cross the Border must be duly inspected by The Cop. If deemed a dodgy character (and The Cop’s word is final) then much barking and animated leaping will ensue.  Ways of avoiding this are carrying suitable balls, being in the presence of another dog, carrying certain treats (bribes), don’t wear a uniform e.g. like Mr DHL man.

• Persons on The Cop black list will NEVER be granted entry. These currently are:

1.  Mr DHL man.
2.  That bloody “Fruit Guy” who pushes the doorbell at some ungodly hour on a Saturday morning. I’m not a morning Dog, Ok!
3. That Human-puppy that sneaks up to our doorbell, pushes it then runs away… I know who you are mate and I know where you live too…
4. Meces,  especially the little tunnel digging buggers who think they can burrow right under The Border.
5. Anyone who is proven to be a Meces lover cos I hates Meces to pieces.
6. The moron from the local council who made us cut down my favourite shade tree just cos he could.

• Once the person has been granted entry then there are certain further formalities that must be observed:

1. If a ball  is presented to the said person by The Cop it is The Law to throw the ball and woe betide if the said ball ends up in a tree or god forbid, outside the property bounds.
2. If The Cop’s head is gently resting on a person’s knee while the said person is being entertained with a meal, the person is obligated to secretly (i.e. not let The Cop’s Humans see you) provide him with a tasty morsel under the table.
3. If The Cop comes up to a person and appears to lean into the said person it is the said persons duty to scratch The Cop behind the ears. Tummy rubs are also acceptable. The Cop will look kindly on any person that during the above activity is also able to remove any ticks or other bloody horrid hitchhikers trying to sneak in unobserved from the Forest.

• Important alerts and alarms can occur during a person’s visit. What to watch out for and what said person must do:
  1. The Yap Alarm: If a loud high pitched yipping is heard it generally means that the next door neighbours pesky mongrels have detected a Human approaching The Border. As they hate dogs (go figure) its highly likely that Humans will be approaching taking their dogs for a walk in the forest. It’s also highly likely its one of me The Cop’s mates so The Cop is duty bound to immediately depart for the front gate to check the situation out. Persons visiting should keep calm and not take personally the skidding of feet on the floor for traction and the high speed exit stage right of The Cop.
  2. The Front Door Bell: The ding-dong of the front door bell is quite distinctive and something The Cop’s  ears are highly attuned to. Soon as it sounds, The Cop will immediately and extremely loudly  commence the “come on guys there is an intruder at the gate – open the bloody door will you” bark.  Do not get in The Cop’s way as this can be extremely dangerous, there is serious risk of being bowled over. Upon  The Cop’s return he may be very grumpy  if it turns out it was a false alarm i.e. the bloody neighbourhood kids again!
  3. The Car’s arrival: The Cop has ears that are vastly better than the inferior Human’s sticky outie fleshy pink things. He is able to detect The Car approaching The Border  from several kilometres away. The said person visiting will see much waging of The Cop’s tail and a mad dash for the door. Don’t worry about this, The Cop has merely detected Grumpy-Human returning home often with some of the other resident Humans. It’s his duty to check out any contraband being bought across The Border and to greet his Humans home after being out beyond The Border in that very dangerous no man’s / dog’s land called “Outside“.
  4. Curley-Human taking the rubbish out: This alert is more a warning to any said persons visiting about some strange yipping behaviour from The Cop if he observes Curley-Human picking up the rubbish bin. The Cop has a massive self imposed responsibility to keep Meces outside The Border. He knows that any time the rubbish bin is emptied at The Border there will be attempted breaches of the Border by said Meces.  To preserve the Meces free Zone within The Border requires immediate action guarding Curley Human from those sneaky Meces as they sometime lurk outside The Border near where the recycling bins are stored just waiting for their moment.

• Any items brought onto the property must be presented for inspection by The Cop. Failure to do so will insure much sniffing and licking of said item and the possibility of serious ghizzification (see an earlier blog of mine for a definition of this technical term)  taking place.

• If any packages bought onto the property contain small round objects, these packages must be declared to The Cop immediately. The package will be duly confiscated (and trust me, The Cop WILL KNOW if said person is hiding such a package). The consequences of not adhering to this rule can be dire and may involve unspeakable acts of pestering the said person to within a whisker of his/her endurance.

I’ll keep you all posted on how my new position works out. Now where’s the link to my LinkedIn profile eh? Better update it so everyone knows about the new Cop on the block.

R

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The Black Forest Border Collie

  Oh ohh, another trip in The Car. I’m on the back seat and there are suitcases in the boot so that means it’s a long way and I’ll be sharing the back seat with Curley and Princess Humans. Hope they showered! I hear strange talk of Black Forest’s and cake. Weirdly I could go for that…

  Cripes, this is a bit twisty, hold tight Curley -Human this looks decidedly unsafe! Oh ohh, wish I hadn’t guzzled all that food at our last stop now…

  Yey! We have stopped. Grumpy-Human says this is one of the best driving roads in Germany, Highway 500 on our way to Baden-Baden in the Black Forest. I just wish he would enjoy it less for my tummies sake eh…

   Boss and Curley Humans enjoying the view, me I want to know what that weird wooden stump with big eyes and a mouth is. That’s a bit scary!

   Heh heh… Look at me, I can do stump art too!

  Come on Curley-Human, there’s a view to be seen (and the longer we view the view the longer I’m outside the bloody car eh).

  The view is great but I’m worried about health & safety, this looks a tad dodgy. Come on guys we gotta get down from here…

  We have finally arrived at our digs for the night.

  Looks like I get my own room and everything! Oh wait… bugger, I have to share with Curley and Princess Human. Curley-Human will be keeping me up all night tap-tapping on her computer and Princess-Human snores. She says it’s me but I know better and anyway us dogs don’t snore.

    A stroll around beautiful Baden Baden.

   Back on the road again and this looks like a nice place to stop for lunch.

  Yep Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte, Black Forest cake to you and me, is on the menu, yum! This will do nicely.

  Yep, stunning views but where’s me Black Forest cake?

  Ok guys enough with the photos, I want Black Forest cake IN THE BLACK FOREST!

And did I get any? No! apparently my Humans tell me Black Forest cake is bad for dogs… come on you are just saying that so you guys get to eat it all! I will get my revenge…

We are home bound now and apart from stuff like The Car and NOT getting to eat any Black Forest cake (my Humans are saying: let it go already, get over it) in the Black Forest, this was a pretty good adventure and a pretty stunning part of the world. Well worth visiting.

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My Kiwi Uncle

I was chatting with an old uncle of mine on FidoNet (as you do) the other day. My uncle is a retired border collie sheep dog who lives with his also retired Humans Wal and Cheeky in Raupo. It’s a small farm town in New Zealand’s Te Urewera region on the eastern side of the North Island.  Uncle Dog  (he even looks like me…) has one issue (actually he has many but today this one will do) that I should clarify before I tell you more about him and his story. There are no known photographs of him so any pictures you see are highly accurate depictions drawn by a very special and talented New Zealand cartoonist, Murray Ball. It turns out my Uncle used to be rather famous in his day, even starred in his own movie. Sadly in recent years everyone has forgotten him and he is feeling a bit sad and neglected, not world famous like me. Some of his background story can be found at this link by a nice blogger by the name of Bob Temuka from a few years ago. Today’s not the day but soon I will try and bring his updated story to you guys soon.

R

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A Walk In the Forest

This time of year is so coool for walks in the forest. Yes, we are blessed in having the forest start just across the road from our home. I do get a bit miffed when I watch all day long these dogs and their Humans wander past my front gate and into the forest, I want to go too.

 Unlock the bloody gate will you! Come on you lazy lot, there’s walking to be done, balls to be caught, mates to meet, meces to be investigated…

 I’ve watched the seasons change in the forest from the golden colours of autumn…

 through to a winter wonderland…

 through to the sunny springtime of today.

And obviously, no doing anything dodgy eh? At least not until we get into the forest …

 All sorts of wildlife from birds,  wild boar to even owls… this one looks a bit weird even to me though. You are not fooling anyone.

 There are even mecies to be had… I know. I know, I have a ball fixation problem. Everyone tells me so but I’m sure I can get a meces without dropping my ball. I mean I could just bonk it on the head. Sadly I see lots of meces but the little buggers disappear before I get close anyway… One day…

Well it’s been a brilliant walk with my Humans and not a car to be seen. My kind of Sunday afternoon.

R

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