Attack of the killer plants

This morning I was out in our backyard minding my own business in me fav sunny spot when a bloody huge lance of pain shoots through my right ear. “What the… was that?” I thought, while letting out a blood curdling scream that attracted the attention of me Humans and half the neighbourhood.

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Bloody hell that hurts…

 

I thought one of those deadly Australian creatures I’d heard all about back in Germany had finally got me.

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Pretty sure it must have been a croc hiding under our house. Putting paw to ear I found my ear still attached so no perhaps not a croc, what then… Perhaps one of those moving sticks, my humans keep going on about but looking around I don’t see anything.

With the pain still throbbing in my right ear I went in search of me Humans, they always fix things but as I cuddle up to them one by one with me headed tilted on a funny angle they all looked baffled and concerned, himmm not promising. Even worse I hear mention of the V.E.T. Bloody hell I better make me-self scarce…

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Before I have a chance to make my escape I’m bundled into the car and we race off to the V.E.T. As usual even with the growing pain in my ear I feel myself being dragged into the dreaded V.E.T. waiting room. My paws in full reverse mode getting no traction on the floor as I still move forwards propelled by my callous Humans.

The V.E.T comes out and fusses with me sore ear, I nearly bit him but he was too quick for me. Of course he then offers me a treat, I know the drill, calm me down before being dragged off to the ROOM for who knows what experiments. NO I spit it out, not falling for that old trick.

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Next my humans… traitors… drag me into the ROOM and order me to jump up onto the table. I grudgingly comply but before I can bark “Keep your mitts off of me” a bloody great needle thing is jabbed into me paw. I feel groggy, sleepy, my legs don’t seem to be working anymore and I sink down onto the table’s mat. What have they done to me? I fight the impending sleep which works for a while but finally the lights go out…

I wake to a sea of concerned faces looking at me. Something’s wrong, I can’t feel me paws. Oh no they didn’t take me paws!! A quick glance down though confirms all appendages still attached. Slowly I begin to feel said appendages again, whew.

I’m dumped onto the floor as my legs begin to work a little again. I see my humans looking at a sharp object, the discussion seems centred on the thing being stuck in me ear. What! Closer inspection and it turns out to be a grass seed. I can’t believe my eyes, this thing is nearly a centimetre long and sharp with barbs, no wonder it bloody hurt.

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The V.E.T had extracted it from my ear, he said that it was the season in Western Australia for these seeds and if my Humans hadn’t got me to him quickly it could have penetrated my ear drum, don’t know what that is but it doesn’t sound good. He said they had one dog that had a seed travel all the way to the dog’s brain! Ok Ok, perhaps some V.E.T’s may be good guys. I still won’t come willingly to this place though, mark my words.

Oh and another thing, why do my Humans always refer to the Vet as the V. E. T. in my presence? They aren’t fooling anyone…

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It would seem that living in Australia even the plant life are dangerous… I’m never going outside again!

R

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7 thoughts on “Attack of the killer plants

  1. Poor Ralph, the V.E.T. sure knows how to scare a poor mutt. Imagine those nasty grass seeds tunnelling into your brain. This is a dangerous country, beyond even my panic-stations fears.
    Bilbo is waving you a very wet paw, Ralph. Why do you Border Collies lie out in the rain when you’re so smart? He’s soaked. To compound his stupidity, he then expects to be allowed back inside. He should know that eau de wet dog is not appreciated!
    xx Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

      1. He’s currently parked at the front door along with Lady and enjoying the cool change sweeping through his fur. I think he’s worried that he’s about to become air-borne.

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  2. Oh Ralph…my sym-paw-thies. We have those in Denver (we call them Fox Tails and they are the bloody pits). Glad your pawrents got you the proper care even if it meant you had to go to the dreaded ‘dogtor.’ If they get into your blood stream they can make you VERY sick.
    Your fur-iend,
    Sam 🐾

    Liked by 1 person

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