Merry Month of May

Early17b-001Woz out doing a bit of ball catchin at me new dog beach the other day and these rowdy lunatics turned up.


Kite Surfing, me socks… ya just distracting me gullible Humans from chucking me ball so clear off the lot of ya!!

Alright it was actually pretty cool. Wish I could have a go, I’d be great at it as long as someone glued me paws to the board, I’d hold the kite in me jaws and away we would go heh heh…



Any by the way as I was such a good prezzy opener last Christmas I have now formally been promoted to Chief Prezzy Opener!


Here’s me in action on Curly Humans recent birthday.


Only thing… I was certain there would be another ball in there for me like on me birthday last month but nadder… not a thing. Bit miffed about that since I did such a great job.



But then… A ball – loon. And what the blazes is it doing up there just floating… This is kinda weird! I bet me Humans’ have stashed it up there just to tease me, rotter’s. Better get it none the less.


Oh I know it’s filled with helium! That’s why it floats. I’ve seen Curly suck some out of these floaters to make her voice go all squeaky. If I just get a bite into the thing and I will bark like a chihuahua!

Until next time…



A Border Collie Easter

A slow week build up to Easter and school holidays. Only major thing in our lives was Curly-Human getting her wisdom teeth out. If they are so wise why do Humans have them removed? Looks painful and Curly sure doesn’t look too impressed with the whole deal. She certainly wouldn’t let us take her photo!


Anyway here is a classic photo from Easter in me Germany days. In Germany many people have Easter Trees at Easter! Me I thought this was brilliant and was sooo ready to pluck a few for me ball collection whilst me Humans were distracted elsewhere…

I’m not giving it up I tell you!

Happy Easter!



The Putty Tat Next Door Part 2.

My tail, continues…

In a wonderful about turn, the Putty Tat next door is no longer in favour with me Humans. The crafty Putty Tat has made a rather fatal mistake, he’s been weeing on Boss Humans favourite plant beds at the front of our house leaving an awful evil smell. To top this off the silly Putty Tat had got himself caught catching a few zees in our back yard too. Then leaving fur and other smelly evidence which caused Curly Humans allergies to flare up.

Boss Human has spoken to our neighbours about keeping the offending feline inside at night but the neighbours seem to think there is no evidence it’s even their Putty Tat that is responsible.

All this has fired up Grumpy Human’s rather overactive imagination. He’s been wandering around muttering “that blasted cat, if I wanted a cat I’d have traded the dog in for a proper cat…” – [hey wot?]. And “I’ll build a cat tracking and  repellent device, that will show those  annoying neighbours”


Now Grumpy Human is a bit of a mad scientist so I worry about what he will come up with…

And just as I feared, a day later I find Grumpy has rigged up a special infrared night camera contraption for the front porch to capture said evidence but so far no Putty Tat has been seen…

Wasn’t me honest, must have been a big possum

Although it has caught me sneaking out a couple of times, bugger. Perhaps I can call myself the Grey Ghost of the Forest, a name handed down from me great Uncle Dog… Seems appropriate on account of me long lost German forest days and all.

No Putty Tat yet? Hah ha, I told you so! Ya should have let me do me job Humans… Now I have a cunning plan of me own which involved letting me have access to the Secret Ball Stash (yes I know where it is), energizing me with a stack of left over Christmas mince pies, going for a quick swim in the ocean to get me stamina up, getting me the best butchers bone ever, letting me have 8 hours snoozing undisturbed, giving Princess Human full authority to scratch me behind the ears for as long as I want…,  I’m sure once all these conditions are met the Putty Tat won’t stand a chance eh? They don’t call this devilishly handsome and rather brave dog-descended-from-wolf the Grey Ghost for nothing ya know!


See! Told you I knew where the Secret Ball Stash was. It’s in Grumpy Humans home office / workshop.  Good try hiding it in there as it’s near impossible to find anything in that muddle of high technology, old books and house renovation materials…

It’s me white glow-in-the-dark ball. Haven’t seen  this one in a while.


A few days later…

I’ve been hearing this strange high pitched whine in me ears the last couple of days. Princess and Curly have been complaining about it too. Boss and Grumpy Human aren’t bothered or just don’t hear it. It’s driving me mad… The noise seems to be coming from Grumpy-Human’s home office / workshop, himm… The Grey Ghost investigates…


Oh my giddy uncle! It seems Grumpy has not just rigged up a night vision camera, oh no, he has gone on the Putty Tat offensive. He has an ultrasonic sound maker thingy putting out an extremely loud screech whose pitch is so high that it annoys and scares off Putty Tats but most Humans can’t hear it. I like your thinking Grumpy Human but just a teeny tiny flaw… “YOU ARE ANNOYING ME AND MOST OF THE DOGS & CATS IN THE STREET AS WELL. NOT TO MENTION EVERY HUMAN UNDER THE AGE OF TWENTY TWO IN RANGE!!” – Hang on a sec, maybe he is on to something here. Not for Putty Tats but those pesky Humans next door who party way into the night when I’m trying to sleep…

OK, so thankfully Grumpy Human has decided not to go ahead with his contraption other than to capture an image of the mystery moggie as evidence for the neighbours. This leaves me (and me ears) free to catch the Putty Tat myself, a new cunning plan is needed, off for a snooze then to dwell on said cunning plan…



The story continues…






Balls and Birthdays

Guess what guys? Its my Birthday! I’m 4 years old. Its been a busy year that has just flashed by. You can check out my last Birthday which was in Germany here.


And even better I have found by prized ball collection in amongst our unpacked boxes from Germany, all safe and sound, Yeh!

Thankfully all present and correct


My Birthday was great, I had my usual mince meat birthday cake stack. I got yet another ball (can’t have to many balls) and some bubble blowing sticks.




After a huff and a puff I have made me birthday wish. My wish is that my humans and I will settle down and be happy in Australia as soon as possible. Its been a rather traumatic move and the stress levels are rather high. It seems that moving home from abroad is even harder than moving from one foreign country to another, go figure… I may blog on this from my perspective a little later once the dust has settled.


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The Unobtainable Ball

Ralph  Don’t you just hate it when ya ball rolls under something and your Humans don’t seem to understand your pleas for assistance?



With Lassie it was apparently easy, she just looked her boy Human in the eye gave a quick yip and off they would both trot to rescue someone trapped in a well or some such thing.

trapped-03  I’ve tried the direct eye contact and yip approach… Mostly this does not work. My Humans are a bit dense on this. The interpretation and actions range from getting food, letting me outside, getting a quick pat or just “bugger off Ralph I’m busy” … so I will really have to get back to my communications training for Humans.

trapped-02  Anyway, I managed to rescue me favourite ball without my Humans help this time. Lucky eh?


I’m thinking that what my Humans need is a Dog / Human language translator, must check next time I’m online, perhaps the Google Translate app can do it?

Google Translate for dogs


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Rope Removal 101

Ralph Online

Today I am a bit bored, all my Humans have buggered off and left me home alone for the day. I have the computer to myself though, brilliant… Now I was going to do a blog with a bit more depth to it, say a critique on Doug the Pug or how to smuggle yourself into Australia – Johnny Depp you listening? But hey I came across this video on the computer of me taken by my Humans a few months back… This will do nicely.


As I have previously mentioned I am a bit of a ball aficionado. I am quite picky about how balls should look, feel, taste and throw. For some unfathomable reason Humans insist on dog balls with an unnecessary bit of rope attached. My Humans say it’s so they can throw the ball for me without getting all the ghizzyness from the ball on their hands. Bunch of wusses I say, anyway the ghizzyness is the best part, it’s what catching a ball is all about, go figure.

I digress, here is the video my Humans kindly took of me getting rid of said pesky rope.

I call it Rope Removal 101, enjoy!

rr_110 And this is the final result. A ball ready for action.


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Castles in a Heat Wave

Border Collie Ralph in a Heatwave

There has been a major heatwave in Germany this last week. It’s been hot, really hot. Even hotter than my last blog on matters hot. Over 40C a couple of days and even at night it stayed hot. I’d sneak down to the basement during the night when my Humans were asleep, way cooler down there and a big comfy sofa to lie on too. Sadly one night it was so hot I snuck down stairs only to find Grumpy-Human had stolen my spot, what rotten luck! Of course he is from New Zealand, not Australia so was feeling the heat like me. After a bit of a confrontation over who got the comfy sofa we agreed to share.

Now even my Aussie Humans were thinking this is a bloody hot week. What did they do? They decided to go on a castle adventure or two and drag me along as well.

A border collie dog called Ralph looking hot and bothered  Just great… Not! Guys it must be over 50C in here, not good for us dogs, just saying… This is way to hot for touristing, what are you thinking Humans? Leave me at home on guard duty will ya.

First up apparently is some stuffy old pile of rocks in the woods some where a few hours from home in the Moselle Valley…

And what do you know, we head up the Rhein Valley first and pass castles on the way to a castle, go figure that.

Castle   Rheinfels Castle at St Goar

Castle   Marksburg Castle

Finally we reach our destination

A border Collie at Castle Eltz  That will be the castle this way then…

Castle Eltz in the Moselle River valley between Koblenz and Trier. Its one of those fairy tale castles built in the 12th century and so loved by Disneyland. It took us just over an hour to get here from home and as it turns out the new Car has great air-conditioning which we don’t have at home, himmm…  I’m beginning to understand my Humans thinking now.

castles07  Well there is the castle, can we go now, I’m bloody hot!

Castle Eltz

Castle Eltz   Castle Eltz

Happy Border Collie Ralph  Ahhh, back in the air-conditioned car. Time to go guys.

Second up, the next day we headed for Heidelberg Castle, about an hour south of our home.

Heidelberg Castle  So that’s the castle eh, impressive from here

Heidelberg Castle

Heidelberg Castle   What a view back over Heidelberg and the river Neckar.

Heidelberg Castle   Crikey, the castle could do with a spot of work though… Must be stone eating termites.

Ralph Border Collie   Drink time and home time me thinks.

Finally our last castle in the 3 day marathon on castles near us, Biebrich Castle on the Rhein River near Wiesbaden about 30 minutes from our home. Another day, another castle eh?

Biebrich Castle Ralph Border Collie  So there you go guys, another German castle, this one seems in better shape. Built for a German Prince around 1700.

Biebrich Castle

Biebrich Castle

Biebrich Castle Ralph Border Collie  This castle had a park attached so I was in for a real treat of ball throwing from my Humans but boy was it still hot outside.

Ralph Border Collie

Ralph Border Collie   Ralph Border Collie

Ralph Border Collie  Well that’s enough ball catching in this heat, I’m stuffed, where’s me water?

Ralph Border Collie Thirst  God I needed that…

Ralph Border Collie Car   Home James-Human and don’t spare the horses eh?

I’m well and truly castled out or should I say schlossed out? Not sure if the German language allows you to torture it like that but hey, I’m a dog, I can’t speak anyway.


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