What Am I, The Results Are In

Finally after weeks of anticipation me DNA breed test results are in! Now I am a tad surprised to say the least… Turns out I’m not the Border Collie royalty I thought I was. First here’s a reminder of the guesses from my family:

  • Me:  100% Border Collie royalty of course. WRONG!
  • Boss Human: 80% Border Collie, 15% Greyhound, 5% Labrador. WRONG!
  • Grumpy Human: 75% Border Collie, 20% Greyhound, 5% Labrador. WRONG!
  • Princess Human: 70% Border Collie, 20% Greyhound, 5% Labrador, 5% beagle. WRONG!
  • Curly Human: 40% Border Collie, 40% Greyhound, 5% Labrador, 5% Golden Retriever, 5% Whippet, 5% Other [You calling me a mutt Curly? – R]. WRONG!

So what am I?

Need me glasses

Well it turns out there is zero Greyhound in me. This really surprised me Humans. They were right about me having some Labrador blood though, probably where I get me sea legs from.

So what else? Before I reveal the stunning details I took the liberty of hunting down some photos of dogs based on the DNA profile I have just learnt about me. These are my long lost Birth-Parents (maybe):

My Dad, a Border Collie / Labrador


And my Mum was… wait for it… Drum roll please… A Border Collie / Spaniel!

Jeez better stop being such a Border Collie snob at the dog park after this gets out eh?

Here is the complete chart:



I’m not disputing the King bit but really? I’m descended from a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel? They were bred as ladies lap dogs, oh the shame…

Now was it worth it? I think I liked it better when I knew I was a full on Border Collie descended from old Hemp.


On the other paw it’s nice to know your parents. My Humans have mixed feelings too. They were so sure I had Greyhound in me and it turns out there is none. All their theories about why I run funny and why (they think) I’m the laziest Border Collie in the world were wrong. They were pretty happy to have the breeds mix in that it does help with my nutrition and exercise along with understanding temperament with children, putty tats and other dogs.

Was it worth AU$ 120? Maybe but my Humans think that this Advance product took a long time to get answers (my blood sample had to be sent to the USA from Australia). There are cheaper options with a DIY kit involving taking a swab from within my mouth and posting it off locally. It’s less than half the price of the Advance product. Perhaps it’s not as accurate?

Me and me Humans would be interested in anyone commenting on their experience with this one or any other DNA test products for canines.

For now this is Ralph the mostly Border Collie but still full on Grey Ghost (and definitely not a Greyhound or indeed a Weimaraner) signing off.

Oh and Happy Chinese New Year!





What Am I, A Border Collie?

As I mentioned in me last blog I got a DNA breed test prezzie for Christmas. Although the results are not back yet. I am certain I am all Border Collie descended from the great and wise Old Hemp himself who passed away a tad long time ago in the UK. Wikipedia has all the info on him.

The first Border Collie “Old Hemp”

My Humans are of a different opinion. You see I was a rescue dog born in Ireland so I don’t actually know my parents. My Humans guess I’m mostly Border Collie with Greyhound and a dash of Labrador. This I dispute, I aint got no Lab in me mate, just coz I love Human food, that’s dog breed-ism that is! Nor do I have any lanky Greyhound in me either.

Anyway since I won’t have me answer for another few weeks I thought I would ask you guys out there in Internet Land to report what you think I am, just from all me blogs and photos. It’s all just for fun.

A few other things you may not know about me which might help:

  • I love water, even more that catching balls although it’s pretty cool when they combine together…  arv7  I even have slightly webbed feet.
  • I am social with other dogs but prefer concentrating on the sport of ball catching / retrieving when out and about. I make exceptions for Border Collies and some other breeds I deem as “honorary” Border Collies.
  • I don’t usually bark at home although I will fiercely bark at any intruders or Putty Tats crossing a defined perimeter of our house.
  • I am protective of my Human-flock and get pretty upset when they bugger off without me. In the mornings I like to do the rounds of the bedrooms to check in on me Humans and get a quick cuddle from each one.I don’t like early mornings so if possible I get up after 9 am. Later if I am not disturbed.
  • One walk a day is OK, in fact fantastic, any more and I get cranky. I’m basically  like to sleep a lot …
  • I hate fireworks and thunderstorms so New Year and Chinese New Year are no-go outside times and a support cuddle inside time. OK I’m a bit of a wuss bag if I’m honest!
  • It’s my job to inspect everything me Human bring into the house, no exceptions. Check out this old blog for more details.
  • If I am unhappy about something I will make it known to me Humans through judicious pointed comments which my stupid Humans think are moans and groans.
  • I am smart, very smart… I like sitting back and observing everything, especially my Humans, brain the size of a planet… and me Humans keep me as a pet!
  • I love Human food and have very inventive ways of getting it. My favourites are Pate (Waitrose sourced), meat freshly stolen from the BBQ and now this past Christmas I have discovered the yumminess of fruit mince pies. None of which my humans let me have…hence my inventiveness… I wrote this little note a while back on How To Get Human Food for me fellow canines.

I’m not sure how the final DNA Breed Report will list breeds. I found this example online to give me a clue:


but just using simple percentages me and me Humans came up with our guesses:

Me:  100% Border Collie royalty of course.

Boss Human: 80% Border Collie, 15% Greyhound, 5% Labrador

Grumpy Human: 75% Border Collie, 20% Greyhound, 4% Golden Retriever, 1% Cat, it would explain his laziness [What! – R]

Princess Human: 70% Border Collie, 20% Greyhound, 5% Labrador, 5% beagle

Curly Human: 40% Border Collie, 40% Greyhound, 5% Labrador, 5% Golden Retriever, 5% Whippet, 5% Other    [You calling me a mutt Curly? – R]

So what am I?

Tell me what you think? I will reveal the DNA results when they arrive in a few weeks.

Happy New Year









One Border Collie’s Christmas

Hello guys and Merry Christmas! It’s Christmas Eve and all is well. Looks like the bloke in the red and white fluffy sheep costume has been. Missed him sneaking in again. One year I’m gonna catch the bloke red handed for impersonating a sheep, what is he like eh?


Now while my Humans are distracted I’ll have a wee sneak preview of me prezzies…



Oops… Rumbled… I was just guarding the prezzies from the bloody Putty Tat from next door, honest!


Its Christmas morning and finally me Humans are up…  I know, I know, I have a Christmas jumper on. It woz Curly-Human who dunnit, look it doesn’t even fit, it was meant for a Chihuahua!


Any way down to business, what’s in me stocking eh?



This better be a ball, just saying…



Yep, it’s a ball!, a spikey ball no less, one of me favs. I had one from last year and had recently finally managed to pick off the spikey bits and start shredding the ball itself when me bloody interfering in dogs business Humans nicked it. Something about a mess of plastic bits around the house… Well now I can start all over heh heh…


… anyway if it’s a mess they want lets have some fun with the Christmas wrapping paper …


Hey! Curly-Human, come and have some fun. This wrapping paper is just the best for shredding and dragging around the house!


I have one other prezzie but I can’t yet have it. My Humans decided to steal some of me blood while I was comatose during the V.E.T.s extraction of the tree from me ear a few weeks ago. They have sent it off to a lab for analysis to see what my pedigree is. I’m pretty sure I’m pure Royalty though. A Border Collie direct descendent of Old Hemp himself of course. Will post on me results later.


So there you go, another Christmas under me belt. My first in a hot climate. Bring on me Christmas lunch and bring on 2017!



The Putty Tat Next Door Part 1.

I have a tail to tell, heh heh … Before I begin though, a disclaimer from my Human editor – Not fair, my Human wouldn’t let my blog out without this…

Ralph does not like cats, he does not know why, he has never really met one up front but he has an inbuilt obsession for chasing them. We, his Humans, love cats and would have one in our family in a heart-beat if it was not for two critical facts: 1 – Curly-Human is allergic to them and 2 – Ralph and cats don’t mix… Perhaps it was when he saw his first cat as a puppy and we pointed it out to him calling it a Putty Tat after the well-known cartoon. Perhaps it was those street cats who tormented him from just out of reach in Croatia, we will never know… Anyway back to Ralph’s story, some of which is even true…

It all started with our neighbours getting a kitten for their Wee-Human’s birthday. Now a kitten is just a miniature Putty Tat, just as devious and cunning as their bigger versions so be warned. Anyway, in the realm of the Putty Tat having a second cat in the house puts a bit of a strain on relations with the original Putty Tat. He didn’t like his smaller counterpart one little bit. Especially since his family doted on the new addition ignoring him.

These animals are crafty devils, Putty Tat decided he would like to move houses and took a fancy to his nearest neighbour, us. He started by hanging around in the evenings on our front porch when he knew his enemy, me, would be nice and comfy in side. I knew he was there but could not persuade my Humans of the evil that lurked right outside the window. On numerous occasions I would bark furiously at the front door but the little bugger would disappear when the door was opened making me look foolish.



A Putty Tat, Beware!

I’m till working on my Humans getting me a picture of the Putty Tat. This is my exceptionally well drawn likeness of him…

I knew its strategy, Putty Tat would approach my Humans when I was distracted elsewhere, like having a rather large pointy tree removed from me ear. He would smooch around me Humans like he was the most gentle and kind creature in the world who wouldn’t hurt a fly… Yeah right… in fact one positive side of this unwelcome visitor was the sudden departure of another unwelcome visitor, those pesky Meces I blogged about earlier this year. Now I know what happened to em. Wouldn’t hurt a fly, my ear…

I think Putty Tats must be a bit dim though. I mean he knows I’m around, a rather large and fierce predator not to be messed with, (that can take on anything Australia has to offer, just saying…) Why would you risk life and limb trying to make my home your home?


Unless… Oh the cunning little bugger, his idea is to make me look like the monster and him the innocent cuddly Putty Tat. Nah, my Humans wouldn’t ditch me for the Putty Tat, he’s been watching way too many cartoons on his Humans TV.


I Taut I Taw a Puddy Tat

But wait.. that sneaky Putty Tat might be on to something. I have seen Princess-Human patting the horrid creature then pleading with Boss-Human for a Putty Tat of her own, notwithstanding the 2 issues mentioned above by  Editor-Human.

I would obviously have to give this problem more attention than I originally thought.











The story continues…


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Sunsets WA

Sorry Guys, I have been rather slack at blogging over the last month. So much has been happening in my real world that time has slipped through me paws…

I will be back in to it soon. Here in the mean time are a few choice pickies of those incredible Indian Ocean and West Coast sunsets that Perth is lucky enough to see almost every day. I never saw anything like this in my days in Europe.





Swimming at sunset eh… who knew the pleasures of this when living in land-locked Frankfurt!

Take Care All


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Balls and Birthdays

Guess what guys? Its my Birthday! I’m 4 years old. Its been a busy year that has just flashed by. You can check out my last Birthday which was in Germany here.


And even better I have found by prized ball collection in amongst our unpacked boxes from Germany, all safe and sound, Yeh!

Thankfully all present and correct


My Birthday was great, I had my usual mince meat birthday cake stack. I got yet another ball (can’t have to many balls) and some bubble blowing sticks.




After a huff and a puff I have made me birthday wish. My wish is that my humans and I will settle down and be happy in Australia as soon as possible. Its been a rather traumatic move and the stress levels are rather high. It seems that moving home from abroad is even harder than moving from one foreign country to another, go figure… I may blog on this from my perspective a little later once the dust has settled.


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The Meces Situation Returns

Back many dog-year ago when I was just starting this blog I reported on a serious Meces problem in our house in Germany.

Here are some links to fill you in here, here and here.

Well… You ain’t going to believe this but they seem to have followed me to Australia and they have grown pretty big as well! My theory is they snuck a ride in our boxes of stuff shipped from Germany that finally arrived at our house last week.


MecesII-02  They better not have gotten into my ball collection, which by the way I have yet to find in the many boxes unpacked so far… but I better not find a half-eaten ball or there will be trouble.

So far I have not spotted a Meces inside the house and I am vigilant, shame I can’t say the same for my dopey Humans. They continue to be blissfully ignorant of what these horrible creatures can do.

Exhibit A



We have a passion fruit vine in our front garden and Boss-Human noticed that someone had nicked the ripening fruit and started eating them…






Said passion fruit vine right behind me, Exhibit B.

Grumpy-Human better watch out or his prized Jag will be their next home, just saying… heh heh.

MecesII-06  Little buggers, it seems they have a real taste for passion fruit. I had noticed these Meces earlier by the smell and sounds of munching outside in the vine but would anyone listen to me, no. Told yah!

Me and me Humans were out the back of the house having a BBQ when we saw one run across the back fences and stop in its tracks to peer back at us with disdain. I was up immediately of course with much leaping and barking but to no avail. The sly thing just stared back taunting me… Grumpy-Human grabbed the garden hose to spray the creature but it just stood there like it was enjoying the shower. This just infuriated Grumpy even more so he turned up the hose pressure which promptly knocked it off into the neighbour’s backyard, oops… Oh well, as far as he was concerned, job done. I know better…

I’ll keep you guys updated on these events but suffice to say I have a rather cunning plan…

MecesII-05See I think they have a nest in the leaves under the passion fruit vine, I just need to convince my Humans I can be trusted out in the unfenced front yard…


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A Dogs Mosaic

Today I have a  few way cool pictures I wanted to share with you that my Humans made with some special software Grumpy-Human whipped up (he is a bit of a dab hand with software whatever that is). The first one is a mosaic of me originally from a post on my favourite balls back in Germany last year…

Me from over 1000 photos of me in Germany
Zoomed in to me ears…

Everyone thinks Boss-Humans photos are fantastic, except her (a lot of the photos I post here are ones I have nicked from her stash). Finally she has been convinced of this and is going to try her hand at doing pet photography professionally in her spare time. My Humans thought they might add in these Mosaic style photos of pets and family to provide a story or to celebrate and remember occasions.

We have one on our wall at 1.5 meters wide made up of all the thousands of photos from my Humans years spent in China and it is such a great celebration of a special time in my family’s life. Corse I wasn’t born then so missed out… Take a look at this…

Shanghai, China 2008 – 2012
Zoomed view



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A Dogs Perspective: First Weeks In Australia Pt 3

The food in Perth is fresh and yummy both for me and my Humans. Don’t get me wrong Human food in Germany was fantastic (contrary to what a lot of Humans say) but its food for a cold climate. Here in Perth there are many fresh sea food options like snapper,  prawns, scallops, mussels and oysters. Then the local meats are brilliant too. Lamb is my favourite, well I am a Border Collie eh. I have to be very good (or very crafty) to score lamb though… The beef steaks are way up there as well (usually only score these as leftovers or sneak em off the BBQ).

month1-16Another favourite is real fresh Kangaroo from the local supermarket. Now funnily enough I did use to get the canned version of this in Germany as a treat from the local German pet shop but this is so much better.


Doggy pals. Now I knew many hunds in Germany and walked with them and their Humans in the forest all the time. My mates there were great and I do miss em all. Here in Perth the dogs all have funny Aussie accents, no kidding! I find em hard to understand at times but they are very friendly. I do wish they would stop adding an “O” to the end of their words and barks though, I’m now Ralpho apparently!



Our local dog park has some times as many as 10 dogs all playing together, no squabbles. There is this one character, a red border collie called Jonny that gets up my goat though. He is the best ball stealer in the world. He knows just how to distract you when your ball is thrown, then catches it himself and won’t give it back. He often sneaks up behind me and nicks me ball. Very annoying mate! They are a great crowd, even Jonny and he is only a year old after all.











We are still waiting for our container load of stuff to arrive from Germany. Grumpy Humans says the ship is currently near Hong Kong. Due early March in Fremantle.






This means my precious Ball Collection is on the high seas and at risk.




I’m still nervous about all those nasty Australian critters that can kill you although I haven’t seen any yet I will admit. Having said that, these strange little bitey things the Humans call ants are everywhere and they keep eating my dinner when I’m outside! Australia has the biggest cockroaches I have ever seen, 3 or 4 cm long, Boss-Human screamed a blood curdling shout when she saw one the other day. If she is scared of em then that’s good enough for me too, I hid under Princess-Humans bed for ages. They look big enough to pick me up and fly off with me I reckon.

I did see a shark in the Swan River but my Humans assured me it was a dolphin. Curley Human was chuffed  that she could tell her mates back in Germany and England that she sees Dolphins playing in the river on her way to school in the morning! One up on the old story she used to tell her classmates about riding Kangaroos to school I suppose!

So bottom line? Has Transportation to Australia been good so far? Hell Yeah! I haven’t had so much fun since I was a pup at puppy school or the days I got to roll in fox poo.



Sorry Germany, I love and miss you too but Perth is a pretty nice place to live, just saying.




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A Dogs Perspective: First Weeks In Australia Pt 2

A strange thing has happened to me in the last month, get this… I love The Car! Who knew eh? Remember my blogs on The Car in Germany? I hated the infernal contraption.


Reasons I Hate The Car (From Germany updates for Australia)

Number One. Motorcycles.  Motorcycles, the most deadly thing known to man or dog, get them off the road I say. They zoom right past the car window with that dreadful racket they make, peering  in at you with that sinister helmet thingy on their heads. I just have to bark back to warn em off,  even if my Humans yell at me for my well placed comment on the demented thing. Update: Yep still hate em! And will bark vigorously to indicate this.

Number Two. The Withering Look.  There you are in The Car, parking up somewhere and I can see out my windows we are 1mm  on the white line, next thing you know the Human parked next to you gets out and give my Humans the “Withering Look”. I make a well directed  bark and this time my Humans do seem to encourage me. I mean what is the problem eh? I know  Humans in this part of the world, particularly older Humans have mastered this Withering Look but really, for parking? If you are not careful it will strike you blind I’m certain of that. Update: Not a problem in Australia, you should see how higgledy piggledy they park here and no one gets upset and so no need for the withering look.

I was wondering if there is an equivalent with Hunds. And yes it does happen! You go on a nice walk with your Humans, a passing  Hund and Human wanders by and as I have me ball (as you do) and the Hund does not (not allowed) I get a Withering Look as if I should give up my ball, come on mate it aint going to happen… Update: No withering looks from other dogs but they do try and steal your ball if you are not quick enough. Positively kleptomaniacs some of these Aussie dogs – yeah Jonny I mean you mate…

Number Three. Pit Stops (or lack thereof)   This is a biggie, when you get into The Car you just have absolutely no idea how long you are going to be in the thing. Once we drove 15 hours, admittedly with a few brief pit stops but come on guys… And when we do stop, I NEED greenery to do my thing (the odd tree helps), not concrete… And will you stop looking at me please, please… Update: Well so far no long trips so no worries. Longest trip in The Car has been  the 30 minutes from the airport to home when I arrived.

Number Four. Curley’s Music  That strange beat music Curley-Human listens to, it drives me crazy, especially through the tinny headphones, what about a bit of “Who let the dogs out, woof woof “, “Give the dog a bone – AC/DC”  or “Walking The Dog – Timbuk3” eh? Update, what can I say, still drives me crazy…

Number Five. Back Seat Drivers (and I really do mean literally in the back of The Car)

The Car-5 If you are riding in the back of The Car like me then there is almost always the nose cone of an Audi or BMW  a few millimetres from your head. You can see the whites of the drivers eyes as the Human tries to will you out of the way. Grumpy-Human just says “what’s behind me is not important” but he’s not sitting in the back with a obsessed manic trying to mow him down … Update: Perth drivers are even crazier than German drivers. They don’t know how to merge, they race through red lights, there is no lane etiquette  just “me first” any lane will do, but they don’t seem to tail-gate.

The main thing is that every trip I do in The Car is a delight now, it always ends in something exciting like the beach, the ball park, the river or picking up the Wee-Humans from school. And so far no car trips to the VET which is a plus too.

One last thing, Grumpy-Humans Jag was shipped to Perth from Europe a couple of months ago.

The Jag back in Germany a few months ago

And has just arrived.


The Jag and me in Perth. I could probably dive through that window while the Humans are distracted…

He never lets me ride in it on account of the fact that I shed my fur. It mystifies me as you should see the hair Curley-Human sheds! Anyway there is hope for me to score a ride now that we will be using it as an every-day car here in Perth. More later when I get that ride.


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